Rest? It’s a Thing?

Not feeling all that inspirational or motivational this morning. I woke up with a cold and a myriad of aches and pains as my body lets me know that I’m not twenty-five anymore and it doesn’t appreciate the bulldozer pace I’ve put it through for the last while. I’ll listen to it for now, since it hurts like hell to walk at the moment anyways, but I’m sure it won’t last long.

I’m not the best at resting. It seems like such a noble thought, just sit, rest and do nothing. Watch television. Chill. Take it easy. Shouldn’t be hard right? Yet it is. It is torturous for me to sit and do nothing for any length of time. Always has been. Even as I kid, I was always doing something. Watch television? Sure, but I’m going to colour at the same time or play with my Fisher Price.

It’s not that I can’t sit still. I can do that no problem IF it’s something I’m mentally engaged in – like writing or reading or graphic design or whatever. If I’m learning, even better. I can sit for hours upon hours, forgetting that time even existed, so I know that isn’t the issue. I have to look deeper.

I think as a society we’re indoctrinated into the idea that we must be busy all the time or maybe not even busy. Maybe productive is the better word. We must always be productive or producing. I think as a writer this is even more true. So many websites and gurus stating that in order to be successful, you MUST write everyday. You MUST do this; you MUST do that. You MUST write even if you don’t have anything to say, just get something down on the paper.

To me, that seems so counter-productive. If I don’t have anything to say, then I don’t have anything to say and that’s all there is to it. I’m not going to force something that is probably going to end up being garbage that I have to delete anyways. And not writing everyday doesn’t make me feel guilty or any less of a writer, but the guilt I feel from just sitting on the couch by myself doing nothing like I have been the past few days is real.

Why is that? Why do we punish ourselves for taking the time to rest? For taking the time to slow down and just be? No doing, just being. One of the only times I can completely shut myself down is when I’m lying on a floating device in the middle of a pool or lake. Then, I have no problem just shutting down and thinking about absolutely nothing. It’s so weird to me that this is what it takes. Is it the water? Maybe, but I don’t have the same feeling when I’m in the bathtub, so that can’t be it.

Maybe it’s just that when I’m lying in the middle of a lake or pool, there is this sense of smallness, like I am just one tiny little being in this gigantic world. I look up into an infinity of blue sky with wisps of white clouds and brilliant sunshine and I am filled with warmth. Ironically, I also have this same feeling in the middle of winter when I bundle myself up and then go lie in the snow, staring aimlessly into the sky – so maybe it’s the sky that does it?

Sometimes we get so full of ourselves and the things WE MUST DO, like the sun won’t rise tomorrow if we don’t get that done. My hand is in the air because I’m so guilty of this. I have “To Do” lists a mile long and when I’m not scratching shit off, I can feel that sense of anxiety rising and I chastise myself like “oh shit, I’m not being productive today!” For what? Why? Why do I feel that I have to be productive every minute of the freaking day?

Now I understand we all have certain commitments and obligations that need to get done, I’m not talking about those, I’m talking about the garbage stuff that we commit ourselves to that we don’t really want to do. And I know you’re nodding yes because we’ve all done it and continue to do it on a daily basis. And what that looks like is different for you and for me but it’s all the same ‘busy work’ we do to make us feel like we’re being productive.

I need to stop it. I need to just sit and rest. No notebook, no laptop, no pencils or papers on the couch or chair beside me. No thinking of what I’m not doing and praising myself for what I am doing – allowing my body and my mind to rest and to rejuvenate.

When you’re younger, you think you can go a mile a minute, every minute of the day. Well if you’re a youngster reading this right now, learn to stop. Learn to slow yourself down. Learn to say no. Learn to decline an invitation that you never really wanted in the first place. Learn this shit now before the ‘busyness’ takes over and becomes your way of life.

I’m slowly getting the hint. I’m slowly beginning to realize that rest is just as important as doing. It’s taken a while to get it though my thick head but here I am. It’s also amazing to realize what a little bit of rest does for you! Like who knew if you rested that after that rest you might feel more energized, have more clarity and in general have your body just hurt a whole lot less? These are revelations for me! Shocking I know!

So, on that note, I have declared today, a day of rest. Since I’m not near a pool and won’t be floating on a lake, I’ll have to do the next best thing, just lie on the grass and just stare up into the beautiful post thunderstorm sky. Ahh. This is the life.

Cheers!