I Am A Mother

Today is Mother’s Day here in Canada, and I would first like to wish all those Mother’s out there celebrating, a Happy Mother’s Day! As a society we like to set aside these special days to celebrate Mom’s and Dad’s, and I think it is a great thing to do, although I know many have mixed feelings about it based on their own experiences and challenges.

If you’ve read any of my previous blog posts and stories, you’ll know that I write a lot about my parents and the positive and uplifting affect they had on me throughout my life. If you haven’t, here are a few links. These stories are mostly about my Mom who passed away when I was 24 years old. The death of my Dad is still too recent and raw for me to write in depth about.  I will someday though because he too deserves the love and praise for being such a kind and loving father and man. It’s just too hard right now.  Anyways, check these posts out if you’re looking for some back story.

“Mom”

“Time Never Stops”

“Being the Youngest – The Baby Book”

I adored and loved them with every little last bit of love my heart could give. They taught me so much and gave me the reins and just let me be me, giving me nothing but unconditional love and compassion along the way. I am eternally grateful. Both are gone now, so Mother’s and Father’s Day have taken on a whole different meaning for me.

I love children but I was never blessed to have any of my own. My life took a huge curve to the left when it came to getting married or having children. It just didn’t happen for me. The marriage part I’m completely fine with. That one was probably all on me or at least a good 95% – but that’s another story.

But I always wanted kids, and it’s something I’ve had to come to terms with and deal with over the years. It hasn’t always been easy, especially on days like today, when Mother’s are celebrated. My heart always feels a little empty and lonely. I had such a wonderful childhood; it makes me sad to think that I couldn’t return the favour to my own kids.

Which begs the question, what exactly is a mother? Does someone have to give birth to children or have children of their own to qualify? I know that’s the literal definition, however, I think it leaves out so many people who play such a vital role in our lives. Is the ability to ‘mother’ much more important than being an actual mother? If your own experience with your mother wasn’t all that positive, does that mean you’re not capable of mothering?

Of course, it doesn’t. Mothering is so much more than the grandiose idea of what society perceives as a “good mother” – save that for Pinterest and Instagram where all the bunny-faced cupcakes and perfect family photos live. That’s not what mothering or being a mother is about.

I am a mother. I don’t have any children. I don’t have even have a pet but make no mistake about it, I am a mother. I couldn’t love my nieces and nephews any more than if I had birthed them out of my own vagina (they love it when I say that), and I do my best to give them the support they need, and to be a person they can look up to and be proud of. I want them to know that they can do anything they set their minds to because they are all intelligent, well-rounded, kind and loving human beings I couldn’t be more proud of each and every one of them. I am a mother.

When they were babies, I held them in my arms and sang softly in their ears, my cheek to their cheek, until they drifted off to sleep. As they grew, we spent endless hours playing and laughing and playing some more, creating memories as we cooked in “Luigi’s Kitchen” and baked pies or ran through the sprinkler in the backyard or read stories. I am a mother.

Aside from being a writer, I work with children and young adults who have sustained injuries, most often brain injuries, from a motor vehicle accident. I help them with school and mentor and guide them as they face the challenges stemming from their accidents. We laugh, and we learn, and I teach them about life and unconditional love and what that means if they don’t know or haven’t had the privilege of experiencing it – sadly, it’s more than you think. I am a mother.

I have gone outside in the middle of the night to my garden to cover a nest of baby bunnies with some shredded newspaper because the temperature dipped below freezing. I have spent hours (yeah…I know, no judging) talking to them, letting them know that I’m not going to hurt them, that they are safe here, and that they’re welcome to live in my backyard and raise their own children there. All fifteen bunnies over three separate nests have names. I can’t tell them apart, but they all have names. I am a mother.

See, I think being a Mom is so much more than physically giving birth. I mean, yes, that’s important, and God bless you all for doing that. For sure, it’s something I’ll always wonder about and feel a little jealous over. I can’t help it. But I think being a mother is about stepping up and caring for those who can’t care for themselves. It’s about loving, not just when it’s convenient, but all the time, in an unconditional way, so that when they screw up, and they will, they will have the comfort of knowing that you’ll be there. This is especially true when they drop a dozen eggs on the floor.

Mothers are not perfect. My mother was not perfect. I am not perfect. But we do the best we can. We give what we can. Some days that’s more than others and that’s okay. We are all human and eggs are VERY hard to clean off of the floor. I have had many ‘mothers’ in my life and each one of them holds a special place in my heart that I will never forget.

So, on this day, and every day really, cherish those people in your lives who mother. Love them and appreciate them because you’re fortunate to have them. Some people never have such luck. Trust me, they don’t do it for the recognition or acknowledgment, they do it because their heart is so full of love and kindness that they have to share, or they would burst. They can’t not do it, so just accept it.

One day you’ll look back and realize what a difference they made in your life – even if it did involve you rolling around amongst the evergreens like commandos or having to endure the humiliation of hugs, kisses and cuddles in public.

I am a mother.

And for those of you who don’t have children but “mother”, I see you and I want you to know that I appreciate the important work you’re doing. Keep it up!

Happy day everyone. xx