Let’s Just Ride the Bus

I spent some time this week searching through some of my research material that I’d gathered for the Creative Spark Nation website and the “Daily Sparks” that you can sign up and receive in your Inbox every morning. The Daily Sparks are usually just a quote from someone or an insight or inspirational thought that resonated with me in some way, that I imagined others might like. Every once and awhile I throw in my own succinct thought such as, “When doing yoga, beware of the wind release pose” but generally I stick to tried and true speakers like Ralph Waldo Emerson, Gilda Radner, and Kermit the Frog. Don’t knock Kermit, that little frog is full of spunk, pizzazz, and intelligent commentary.

I grew up watching The Muppets on Sesame Street, and I believe Jim Henson to be one of the most creative and inspirational figures of my childhood. Those Muppets like Kermit, Ernie and Bert, Cookie Monster, and Grover taught me some many different life lessons like how to count – well that was The Count – who was actually quite frightening for my tender soul. They showed me why it was so important to just “be me” because that’s that best you, you can be. They also gave me permission to sing and dance wildly with my arms flapping above my head – not that I really needed any.

One of my favorite Kermit quotes is from a TEDx Talk he did in 2014. Yes, Kermit the Frog is an esteemed member of the TED alumni. Kermit called his talk, “The Creative Act of Listening to A Talking Frog”, and in the talk he said,

“There’s one other thing that I think every frog or person needs to be creative: and that is friends. For me, I think the very best part of creativity is collaborating with friends and colleagues. Admittedly, mine happen to be bears, pigs, rats, chickens, and penguins, but you go with whatever works for you.”

Kermit the Frog

I’ll go a bit further than Kermit and suggest that we don’t just need friends to be creative or to foster our creativity, we need them to survive and to thrive in life. I think this past year of social isolation and separation is evidence enough. Humans are social creatures. Heck even Kermit’s bears, pigs, rats, chickens and penguins tend to exhibit social interactions and comradery with other bears, pigs, rats, chickens and penguins. While any type of interaction these days is good, it’s those interactions with friends that prove to be the most soul quenching.

I’m very lucky in that I have several different pockets of friends when I need to fill my well. I have my family, whom I all consider my friends, and I have friends that I consider my family. I have friends I’ve met through work, and many of them have become family. There are the friendships I’ve developed just by being and interacting with others on a day-to-day basis, like my neighbours, school chums, and Kevin the UPS guy, (although I think Kevin would like to be a little more than friends if you ask me. I mean rose petals glued to my Amazon deliveries?). I have my cherished girlfriends from high school and university, and of course I have my core group of besties, “The Hurricane Girls”, who’s exploits cannot legally be shared in the public pages of this blog.  

Each and every one of them adds so much to my life in their own different way. I also have many imaginary friends who’s love, and support are just as valuable and precious, especially now when I’m stuck at home alone. We have the best time together, we really do. Whether you have a gaggle of friends or just a few is irrelevant. The key is opening your heart and mind and allowing these friendships into your life, and really recognizing what you both can offer. This applies to pets as well. They can be the best friends ever.

When I was searching through my Daily Sparks, I came across this quote from Oprah Winfrey:

“Everyone wants to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.”

Oprah Winfrey

And when you really stop and think about it, isn’t that the truth? I want the friends who are going to take the bus with me when the limo breaks down. I want the friends who are going to pull me off the MGM Golden Lion statue before Security comes…Wait. Did I say that one out loud? PRETEND YOU DID NOT JUST READ THOSE WORDS!

I can’t imagine what it would be like to be famous and have to sort through intentions all the time. I think we’ve all come across those people who always want something from us or who are “friends” if it means their needs are the only ones they’ve considered in the relationships. But add fame and huge amounts of money and privilege to the equation and I think it would be a gigantic headache.

Lucky I am not famous, nor do I have copious amounts of money, so I’m safe there. I do however have a big heart and have trouble saying no, and that sometimes leaves me prone to those who might want to take advantage of my generosity or kindness. But I’d rather take my chances and get burned a few times, and I have been burned a few times over the years, than close my heart to others.

In talking with my friends and others this past year, one of the common complaints is how much each of us is missing our friends and our family. Sure, we’re missing travel, but I think more, we’re missing the experience of being with others and just sharing life with one another. I know I am. I guess maybe, that’s been one of the great lessons of this past year. Material stuff is great, and I love me some online shopping, but it can’t fill the void in our lives like friends can.

My new garlic press is handy, but it doesn’t make me laugh. My new hoodies are snuggly, but they’d be even more snuggly if I could hug someone while I’m wearing them. My new toque is cute (it really is), but there’s only so many times you can look at yourself in the mirror and say, “OMG Girl! You look so cute in that new toque! Wait until Kevin the UPS guy sees you!” before it gets a little weird.

I feel incredibly blessed to have the type of friends that would “ride the bus with me” and who have literally ridden the bus with me more than once. I mean, they were party buses, but it still counts right? I miss them. I miss my friends. I miss the fun. I miss the laughter. I miss the chats. I miss the hugs. We can text or have video calls or like each other’s social media posts, but it just isn’t the same.

I worry about those who may not have a strong social network like I do. I worry about how they are navigating these crazy times and the lasting impact it’s going to have on their mental health. I’m not afraid to admit that right now, I do get a little lonely sometimes here all by myself. It’s hard not to. I love my own company but even I need a break from me sometimes. Thank God for Kevin the UPS guy…

I’ll be fine. I am fine, and I know I will emerge from this intact, but others may not be so lucky. It costs nothing to be kind. To reach out to someone and say hi or I’m thinking about you. How are you doing? I know I haven’t always been the best friend this past year. I know I could have reached out more. Checked in more and I make no excuses. However, I don’t think that makes me a bad friend, it just makes me someone who might have had some struggles of her own that she had to care for first. As I’ve written many times, you’re no good to others, if you’re not first good to yourself and protective of what you need to be protective of. Heal what you need to heal. Strength and resilience are not magic potions you can buy from Amazon. They are things you need to build, and I think this past year we’ve all done a lot of building. I think we’re all tired of building.

So how do we get though this last little bit? We hunker down in our homes, but we reach out to those as much as we can. Feel like talking? Pick up the phone and call someone. Video chat. Throw a stone at the neighbours’ front window so they’ll come outside. That’s how I met my first serious boyfriend by the way, so I know it works. You will get no more details about that relationship or how long it lasted. Fine, it lasted three days and I was nine years old. Are you happy? Always wanting the intimate details of my life, aren’t you? Maybe I’ll just have to write a “tell-all” book.

I’ve recently befriended an older gentleman that lives up the street. We’ve been neighbours for three decades, but I never even knew his first name until this summer. One day when I as outside working on rebuilding my driveway, I saw him walking by. We sort of just looked at each other for a minute and then I smiled and said hi. That’s all it took. He came over and just started talking. He said he’d been watching me build outside all summer (I completely renovated my backyard) and wondered what the heck I was doing. I asked if he wanted to come have a look and he was up the driveway before he even answered.

Turns out Ed is a retired butcher. He’s waiting for a hip and a knee replacement, so he walks all the time now to try and stay as nimble as possible. He said he’d always wanted to see what my backyard looked like, even before the renovation but just never asked. Didn’t think it was his place. Turns out Ed’s wife Karen gets none to pleased if he’s late for dinner, so just before his watch hit 5 pm, he was down the driveway and headed back across the street. Ed and I wave to each other all the time now, and if one of my garbage bins goes astray in the wind, I know he’ll bring it back. I don’t think Ed would necessarily ride the bus with me if the limo broke, but I do think he would hang around for the tow truck to come.

Reach out. Say hi. Smile at someone. Wave. Send a quick text message or email. You never know what that person is feeling in that moment or how much they might have needed that little bit of human interaction. Tell people you love them. Tell them how much they mean to you. I know for some people, it’s not always the most comfortable thing to do, and I get it, it’s sometimes hard to express emotions. Do it anyway. Trust me on this, it feels so good, and I guarantee you’ll feel a little endorphin kick yourself.

The world is crazy right now. Nothing seems very right. So, lean into the things that make us feel safe and secure, whatever that may be for you. For me, that’s my friends and my family. They are what keep me grounded and keep me filled with warmth and love, even if we can’t be physically together right now.

For those of you out there who may be feeling down or alone, I leave you with these beautiful Randy Newman lyrics from “Toy Story” – You’ve Got A Friend in Me.

 You've got a friend in me. You've got a friend in me.
 When the road looks rough ahead, and you're miles and miles from your nice warm bed. 
 You just remember what your old pal said, “Boy, you've got a friend in me”.
 Yeah, you've got a friend in me.
  
 You've got a friend in me. You've got a friend in me.
 If you've got troubles, I've got 'em too. There isn't anything I wouldn't do for you.
 We stick together and can see it through. 'Cause you've got a friend in me.
 Yeah, you've got a friend in me.
  
 Some other folks might be. A little bit smarter than I am. Bigger and stronger too, maybe.
 But none of them will ever love you, the way I do, it's me and you, boy and as the years go by. 
 Our friendship will never die. You're gonna see it's our destiny. You've got a friend in me. 
 You've got a friend in me. Yeah, you've got a friend in me.  

And of course, a beauty from good ole’ Kermit the Frog…

Until next week…

Peace and love – and hang in there!

Trish